


Just Talk to Me

by ochaya



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-02 00:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16775830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ochaya/pseuds/ochaya
Summary: Caleb isn't talking again, and Beau can't FIX IT.





	Just Talk to Me

Caleb wasn't talking again.

Nott said it was probably due to Caleb's past—like how Molly couldn't talk when he first woke up—and that "wizards work in mysterious ways." But if you know _why_ something happens, you should be able to fix it, and Beau _couldn't fix it_.

She sulked from the edge of camp, running through her evening workout and trying to make it look like she wasn't watching him (she _wasn't_ watching him). It was just so _annoying_ , she wanted to _help_ , but every time he did this and she tried taking him for a walk or talking him through it he just glared at her and then shoved an invisible magic hand in her face until she left him alone.

Caleb didn't seem to mind Jester's presence, though: she kept on chattering without caring whether he responded or not. The two of them were sitting next to the fire, and she was explaining in great detail why she'd drawn the mayor of Trostenwald in her sketchbook as a walking gavel.

"And she was VERY LOUD and dispensed JUSTICE, so, you know, that's why she's a hammer, except hammers aren't ANGRY, and she was very angry you know, so I am thinking she could just be an ANGRY HAMMER, like with a face on it, or I could draw the hammer with TINY STICK LEGS, and then you know, it turns out she's angry because she just stepped in a BIG PILE OF POO, what do you think Caleb?"

Frumpkin, who had been sitting on Caleb's lap, looked up at Jester. Maintaining unblinking eye contact, he slowly unfolded from Caleb's lab, stepped down, streeeeeeetched, cocked his head…and mimed squatting to poop. Somehow he still looked dignified. Cats are weird like that. 

"YEAH I LIKED THAT IDEA TOO ok yes she will be an ANGRY HAMMER WHO STEPPED IN POO, and that's why she was so MEAN, this is perfect THANKS FRUMPKIN AND CALEB"

Frumpkin crawled back into Caleb's lap and nodded regally at Jester before settling back down. Beau thought for a minute he'd gone to sleep, but he still had one eye open. "Creepy cat," she muttered from the bottom of a pushup. He ignored her, as usual. 

* * *

The Nein stumbled down the path in the dark, everyone quiet but for the sounds of labored breathing. Nobody had escaped that fight unharmed. Beau thanked all the gods that they had two healers in the group.

It was just some stinking bugbears! Should have been so easy! But Caleb just…ugh. She huffed in frustration and kept jogging, looking for anywhere safe to camp.

Finally Caduceus spotted a concealed copse of trees, and everyone collapsed in an exhausted heap—except Beau, who stood over Caleb who was lying on his back panting. She stared down at him, shaking. He looked up at her with one eyebrow raised.

Fjord began to say, "Hey, Beau, let's just—"

She interrupted, "What the FUCK, Caleb? What the fuck was that? You just—you can't—if you're on WATCH, you need to TALK! You can't just, just hope we'll all wake up in time, we got attacked in our sleep, we're all hurt, and it's your fault! What if, what if it had been slavers again, I—"

He stared at her and didn't say anything. Nobody dared to move. Tears shone in her eyes as she looked at him, fists clenched.

Swearing loudly, she spun around and ran deeper into the woods.

* * *

She sat in a tree, scrunched up as tightly as she could, arms wrapped around her legs and head tucked down, shaking with tears. What the hell was happening, why did this affect her so much, they all made it, it worked out fine, why couldn't she just…get over it. It was just…

There was a meow from unnervingly close by. "Shit-!" Beau jerked up and nearly fell out of the tree.

"What the hell—Frumpkin?"

The cat was perched further along the branch, looking as at home here as on the ground, tail wrapped around his legs. Cat and human stared at each other. Minutes passed.

Beau broke first, sitting back against the trunk and tentatively reaching a hand out to him. He chirped and walked closer, letting her pick him up and put him in her lap.

She sighed and buried her face in his fur, her voice coming out muffled. "I know you're listening, Caleb, even if you don't respond…I just…I'm trying…fuck, I'm not good with words, this is Fjord's thing. I—"

She hugged him tightly, trying to come up with the words. "I'm…scared? Yeah. I'm so scared, of us messing up again, of losing someone…again. I just, I can't handle that. We can't mess up. And like, come on, those bugbears should have been a cinch, we're better than that! But if you can't warn us, and I don't know why you can't talk right now, I don't get it I can't fix it fuck—" She broke off, looking flustered. She'd never talked about this before.

Frumpkin looked up and bumped his head against her chin, and she laughed quietly and gave him a scritch. "Weird cat."

She heard a cough from below and looked down to where Caleb was standing, having finally found them. "…hey. You move quiet for a wizard." He shrugged. "Did you hear…?" He nodded. "Good. Because I'm not saying all that again."

She jumped to the ground and sat down with her back to the tree, still holding Frumpkin, who started to purr. Caleb flopped down next to her and, after a pause, handed her a scrap of paper which said "I am sorry, Beau." The paper looked…expensive.

"'s cool. We just gotta…make sure you're not alone on watch, or something. Yasha fucking _disappears_ all the time and we make that work too."

They sat together for a while.

She took a breath. "Caleb…I'm sor—"

As she started talking, he looked over at her with a startled expression, muttered something and gestured with his hand. An invisible force pushed her face back and she nearly fell over with a sharp exclamation.

"Hey! I'm trying to apologize, asshole!" She laughed and tried to regain her balance. He avoided eye contact and hid a grin, and pushed her again.

The darn cat wasn't helping: he started climbing up her arm, and the combined efforts of cat and invisible hand finally succeeded in pushing her over. She laid there, defeated, Frumpkin purring happily and licking her face. "You can't just throw a cat at all your problems, Caleb!" He gestured at her to indicate that well, clearly, he could.

She sighed. "I know…you don't think you deserve it—Frumpkin that's my _eye_ don't lick that! Gah…anyway. I won't apologize if you don't want me to. Just…look, we're all weird. We've all got shit going on that can affect the rest of the group. And we can figure out how to handle this too. That's what we do."

He didn't respond, but Frumpkin stopped harassing her and settled down on her chest. She took that as a yes and stopped pushing it.

They stayed there together, watching the stars move, until the sun began to rise.

With some reluctance, she sat up, transferring the cat to her shoulders. "C'mon, we should get back. The others are probably worried." He sighed, nodded, and stood, offering her a hand up.

As they walked back, she looked askance at him. "Are you…sure you're ok? Can I—can _we_ help at all?" He started to shrug, stopped himself, and smiled, gesturing at all this: the two of them walking, Frumpkin draped on her shoulders.

She snorted. "Don't see how this helps, but…ok. I can wear your cat any time."

Frumpkin just purred.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes we process our trauma through our fictional trauma-babies. One of the ways my PTSD shows up is by my going nonverbal, and I liked the idea that Caleb might do that sometimes too. 
> 
> Also it amuses me endlessly when Beau finds a problem she can't punch away :p


End file.
